A Feeling Is!

It is selfish, the way I love. If I look at it the right way, I can see how my belief that those I love should want it; has caused me to have certain issues in the past. I have since learned that you can love, but for it to be true it has to be without expectation in any form. You must love solely because you have the capacity to do so. Any other way or reason will cause discomfort and possibly distress.

I have always said an emotional affair is worst than a sexual one for some people. I am one of those people. For whatever reason, I am ignited by intellectual conversations, sweet words, catchy phrases and witty lines. I like to gab and joke and talk sarcastically and a man who can match me has always been my ultimate desire.

I have him and I feel a completeness that would be embarrassing if it wasn't so joy provoking. Talking to him charges me. I literally bubble inside and I normally giggle the moment I hear his voice. I get lost in conversation with him sometimes only focusing on the sound of his voice, forced to listen when he asks a specific question. It has been this way from the beginning. We met 27 years ago and from that day to this I hang on his every word and desire only to hear him laugh and talk that talk only he can do so well.

A feeling is! My feelings run deep for this man. He too, figured out I was the one who got away. I can hear the gratitude in his voice when he mentions how happy he is I was looking for him too. A feeling is!

I would be the first one to tell a person not to jump on every feeling they have. As we know our feelings will and betray us. We have all had the experience where we felt something deeply and it turned out not to be real or even possible. For whatever reason, something inside us needed to feel a certain way. In this case, the feelings are coupled with a knowing. He felt like he knew me and I he.

When these feelings were new to me, I would become impulsive and compulsively call, seek out and think about him. Over the years I have written him letters which I kept hidden, until recently. As I read them, I cry, cringe, laugh and walk away in disbelief at how devoted I remained to his memory. Now, to experience what I hoped would happen is just the greatest gift. I did not hold on in vain. It was well worth the wait as I am matured and able to set personal boundaries that will not allow me to compromise myself in any way.

I treasure the moments we engage each other. He's the one.

Where Are You Going To?

How Are Things Working for You?

I recently made a career decision to become a professional comedian. My employment status has become an issue. I have reached the age where employers love your level of experience, but do not necessarily want to pay you for it.

The day I left my last job was liberating and fun. The very next day my blood pressure was in the 120's. The stress was gone. I proceeded throughout the months working on my house and doing what needed to be done, but most of all I was focusing on myself. I was giving myself the nurturing I needed.

I refuse to let my health become an issue so I have a daily regiment of self-care which focusing heavily on my diet. I have incorporated more fruits and vegetables, exercise, laughs and rest. It is all paying off.

Take a moment today to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "How are things working for you?"
Be open to the answers.

Peace