Bill Cosby:Too Smart for His Own Good

He probably didn't get into drugging women until he met Robert Culp and other white actors who the black actors of the 60's and 70's hung out with. I have always been interested in entertainers as I see myself as one. When the scandal broke big time, I was adamant in my belief he was guilty of being a serial rapist. I remember watching him doing stand-up about smoking marijuana and the effects of Spanish Fly. He would talk down on the people who partook in these activities, but made it clear he was there when they did.

Bill Cosby is one of those people who feels guilty about their perversions. He never accepts awards or accolades. Yet, he will self-righteously parade around the country telling folk how they should live their lives because he has convinced himself it is the least he can do for his people. Smart, intelligent, perfect diction, artistic; he is the man's man as he is an athlete to boot. He is culturally aware of who we are as a people and able to speak on the subject with eloquence. He is a father of five children and has been a husband for almost 40 years. Yet, something is amiss. This wealthy, successful man is compelled to subdue women and take advantage of them sexually.

There are "mommy" issues. No way there couldn't be. He has told his story time and time again and in many forms. No way would he have married a white woman, yet his victims prove he has an affinity for them and I would dare say much of that desire stems from his repressed plantation mentality. Because he is a brilliant man, his use of a substance to conceal his rape of his victims was the best part of his scheme. He knew the victims would have a hard time proving his guilt. The fact they all went willingly immediately goes against them. None of his actions were mishaps. He carefully set up each of his victims, planning, scheduling, preparing, insisting and conquering.

What a weak man he is. What a shame so many of his fans identified so heavily with his alter ego, Cliff Huxtable. I was listening to several of our black leaders and several of them used the phrase, "Look at what THEY are doing to this man."

His behavior has gone uncorrected for more years than we'll ever know. Rape and the use of drugs is serious. We cannot make this a racial issue, even though the racial components are there. We must accept he is a sick criminal who is willing to risk his life and livelihood to feed his out-of-control fetish of using women for his sexual gratification without their permission.

Television is a distraction on so many levels. The only good thing about it is we can choose what we want to watch. The bad thing about that is too many of us choose sex, violence and set-up comedic story lines to get us through the evenings and weekends that should be spend connecting with family and community. Bill Cosby, the smart, intellectual that he is used his charm and respect he had garnered through his early appearances and TV shows to lure his prey. In this way, he is just like any other low-life sexual predator. Many of them have proven to be the most respected among us. Yet, we still blame the victims immediately when they find the nerve to come forward about one of the most horrible experiences anyone can have.

Get it right; he is wrong.

What It Really Means to Know Your Worth

Issues arise throughout the days of our lives. We actually go from one issue to another attending to some, ignoring others, or letting other people handle them. An issuation is born when an issue is allowed to turn into a situation. One particular issuation seems to plague many women and that is the issue of not knowing their worth.

I suffered from this greatly. I have done the work needed to maintain peace and joy in my life; I have come to understand  as a woman I am the greatest of all creatures. The Universe has trusted me with the ability to co-create. I can then nourish the creation and any other with my own body. I have the ability to share my life at the deepest level possible for mankind. I am woman.

Yet, for years I hated the very sight of me. I made decisions based on the belief that I was less than. Oh, but now that I know who I am and whose I am! I came very close to letting my lack of self-worth turn into an issuation. It did make it to situation status, but I was able to recognize the situation and back tracked to the issue, which turned out to be I had no idea of my worth.

When you know your worth, you do not deny the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are about to do something that is not in your best interest. You no longer allow others to disrespect you, ignore you, or put you on their back burner. Knowing your worth will no longer allow you to be the whipping post for those with misdirected anger. You no longer desire to be around people who are harming themselves.

You stop trying to save others. Yes, we all have a light, but it is up to the individual where to let it shine. I chose marriage and motherhood. My light shown brightly throughout those years and I was able to help raise three beautiful, productive human beings. Our time is now. It is all we truly have. We must embrace ourselves and accept the challenges life brings us with grace and faith. We are worthy. We are women!

Looks are Deceiving

A co-worker made the suggestion that I should get on the dating site Tinder. This site is only for those who would choose a person just by how they look. You do not write anything about yourself. You only make a match based on whether you are attracted by what you see. I told her there was no way I would subject myself to the site based on outward appearances.

There is such two-faced-ness going on in the world of dating. I believe it is done to hide the desperation so many feel when it comes to having someone in their lives. As we journey through life, we began to obtain and desire. Once we desire someone in our lives, we often will feel the need for it to happen immediately. We rely on our eyes and forget that it is the heart that will be required for a relationship to last.

I'm good. I'm waiting on David.

The Issuation? Caitlin/Bruce Jenner

One of the most important lessons I learned from staying married is people change. People's perception of themselves modifies. We evolve or we don't.

The Religious Folk

The religious folk are trying to speak for God as if they have any true idea of what God thinks. God,
already knew what Bruce Jenner was before he did. I ask all the Christians who proclaim, "God is unhappy, He is not pleased."
What if Bruce's journey is a test for those who do not have to walk it? What if, God wants to see if we can be non-judgmental, unbiased, open, loving, compassionate and understanding? These are the questions I NOW ask myself. As I remind myself, God already knew. So this can't be about the person not doing what they are doing, but it has to be about how I am going to deal with how I feel and what I believe about the situation, problem, dilemma, etc.

Tools (Some Men)

The language some men are using to describe their disgust over Bruce Jenner's decision to become Caitlin, a woman, bothers me immensely. One of my Facebook friends used the phrase, "damn woman," when referring to what Jenner wants to become. Another thought it utterly crazy that he would want to become a "woman."

What the hell is wrong with him feeling like a woman? It took one to help make him a man. After reading the book, "Why Men Fake It: The Truth About Men and Sex," by Abraham Morgentaler, MD; I have come to the real conclusion that men and woman are not as different as we obviously need to believe.

Seriously, the tone of some of these men would make you think Jenner was trying to become a Shark or something just as foreign to who he is as a person. I truly believe, personally, these men who respond like that have some jacked issues about sexuality and they are completely unattractive. Their disdain for the feminine is clear and their lack of understanding and compassion is shameful.

Both Parts

Not only does Jenner want to be a woman, he wants to keep his dick. He's really gonna make some folk happy. This is even more confusing to those who "just don't get it."  He likes dressing and looking like a woman, which has nothing to do with who he is sexually.

The Life!

Women have a life that some men never will enter or understand. Our abilities are vast and we are capable of so much more than the average man and are willing to go so much farther in our intimate, professional and intra-personal relationships. Why wouldn't a man who feels his feminine side more, not want to partake in the non-sexual aspects of womanhood? Bruce Jenner has shown he has the heart of a champion and his decision, to come from who he has been and step into who he wants to be is nothing less than courageous.

I applaud anyone who chooses themselves over the scorn and ridicule of the world. Each of us are miracles. Most of us were, at the least, in the running with hundreds of thousands of little sperm trying to become human.

With the killings and domestic violence going on in the world, one would think we would try to put some love out in the atmosphere. Instead, we continue to spew poisonous rhetoric, trying to talk for God, but at the same time claim to know that the plan has already been laid. You can't have it both ways. Whatever Jenner's reason is for becoming Caitlin; he has to live with them. Remember, what he eats does not make you fat. People change.

Forever Penis: Part Three

The Nitty Gritty

Ejaculation Versus Orgasm

Ejaculation and orgasm are separate biological events for men. According to the doctor, “Orgasm is the full-body experience of reaching that magic point of release.”

“Ejaculation, however, is the expulsion of the sexual fluid,” Dr. Morgentaler states.

These functions occur simultaneously in men. “Not only do some women ejaculate like men, but the fluid squirted out is biochemically similar to make semen and comes from glands lining the urethra that are essentially a female equivalent to the male prostate.”
 

There are 3.5 instances where a man can become erect.
With sex

 Masturbation

Upon awakening in the morning and the half are for the times when a man becomes hard for no apparent reason, or because he has a sexual thought. This can happen anytime day or night and usually diminishes as the man ages.
 

The only thing other than ED, illness or trauma to the genital area that cause a man not to get it up is the mind. This book is about how the mind works against erections and other factors that can cause a man to go limp. The ED medications only work with mental or physical sexual stimulation. One of the doctor’s patients was given Viagra and specific instructions to take it on an empty stomach and to do something sexual. The man took the med before he ate dinner, then went and watched a baseball game while his wife waited for him to come to bed. He went back to the doctor telling him the pills were, “junk.”

He had not followed the instructions. You would think there would be more reports of men who take Viagra being more willing to participate in foreplay since mental stimulation is required to trigger the medication to make the penis hard.

Dr. Morgentaler performs surgery on men who cannot get an erection. His primary tool for treating ED is the Penile Implant. The penis is made up of three cylinders; the two corpora cavernosa and make the penis hard. The corpus spongiosum has spongy tissue and surrounds the urethra and form the glans, head, of the penis. This instrument is placed within the corpora cavernosa (the two paired chambers of the penis responsible for erection). There is Reservoir filled with a saline that is placed in the pelvis behind the pubic bone. The pump is placed in the scrotum. The man feels like he has three balls. When the man wants to have sex, he simply pumps, pumps, pumps it up to his desired hardness. The device is deflated by pressing a button on the pump. Needless to say, this is the most popular treatment for ED in men who cannot use medications and prefer not to shoot themselves in the penis with a hardening solution each time he wants to have sex.

Low-T

Dr. Morgentaler is one of the pioneers who discovered that men go through a similar experience as women in middle age and for now, has termed it male menopause. Low testosterone can cause men not to be interested in sex, feeling lifeless, irritable and as many stated, “Just not myself.”

The doctor prescribes shots, pellets in the buttocks or creams and gels that the man must use over a period of time. The results have been a revitalization in many men who had believed they lost their edge.

One of the funniest stories was about a father who came to see the doctor about his adult son who was 25 years old. The father proclaimed something was wrong with him because he didn’t date and basically refused to do anything. As it turned out, the young man had a bad sexual experience with the second girl he had sex with. She made a remark about his penis. He took it to heart and didn’t have sex again for over 3 years. When he went to see the doctor, not only was nothing wrong with him, he had a bigger than average penis.

You gotta read the book to get the full effect. A great read.

Forever Penis: Part Two

The Scary Part

What Is a Man?

Is a man defined by his penis? You would think so the way the men of today are going crazy over the young men’s fashions that call for some to choose to wear a skirt, dress, leggings, sagging, whatever the case may be. These men are frustrated and also seem to be intimidated, feeling their sexuality slipping away because of someone’s choice of fashion.

The doctor says, “No,” a man is not defined by his penis. “Females exposed to high levels of androgen (molecules with testosterone-like properties) during fetal life often have a hypertrophied clitoris that is hard to distinguish from a boy’s penis.”

What about testicles? Do they make a man a man? The doctor says, “No. Individuals with testicular feminization have testicles, yet these individuals live quite happily as women.”

He also states that genes do not always make the difference because there are instances where the Y chromosome is there, but necessary genes are maladaptive making the male look female. High testosterone levels do not indicate a man. There are men who have had prostate cancer and their testosterone levels are completely reduced. Does this mean they are no longer men?

The doctor says it is all of these things and yet none of them at the same time. He asked us to be aware that the universal belief that man is completely different from females is false.

“Part of the confusion is that sexuality is expressed on at least three levels: gender (Do I have the parts of a boy or a girl?), and sexual orientation (Do I like boys or girls—or both—sexually?). What is intriguing, if a bit mind-boggling, is that all three of these levels of sexuality are independent of each other. In my mind, there are two additional considerations: one is hormonal.”

Testosterone is responsible for much of the behavioral differences between boys and girls. It affects the mental and physical differences we are aware of in men and women.

“The final level is even more difficult to define. I believe it is a cocktail of psychology, free will, and spirit.”

The doctor believes it is the way a man behaves that makes him a man. The choices they make, their swagger, the way the walk through the world as agents of free will. It is the bigger concept of maleness that is misunderstood and this book attempts to help us bridge that gap. He believes it makes no sense to label the sexes, “opposite sex,” when in fact we have so much in common.

The scary part? The men in this book and men I have known and know of, put so much into their penises that they actually believe women feel the same way about the penis, too. Over and over, the theme in this book keeps going back to men want to please their lovers. Men feel less than a man if they cannot get an erection. Even the doctor had to admit that the energy men put into worrying about their performance is for naught, because a woman who chooses to be with a man usually does so not because of his penis size or how good of a lover he is, but because she loves who he IS, period! So there is no wonder the doctor remains in awe of the lack of communication between the sexes. He even mentions the very real truth that many women actually have pain during intercourse, or are not interested after a certain point in life, or could do it or not. It is scary how far apart we are and yet so close.

Forever Penis: Part One

After reading the book, "Why Men Fake IT: The Totally Surprising Truth About Men and Health," written by Abraham Morgentaler, MD.  I learned something. My perspective regarding the issue of male erectile dysfunction will allow me to be more compassionate towards the male species. It is pretty clear from the beginning of the book, Dr. Morgentaler has written this book to try to bring the sexes together, but most of all to educate men about what 40% of them will experience as they age.

"This book is about the fascinating, rich , nuanced and surprising world of men and sexuality." Let's deal with the title first. Yes, there are men who can fake an orgasm. Their reasons vary of course and range from being tired of having sex, being stressed out and taking certain medications.

David, was a 28 year old engineer who couldn't have an orgasm inside a woman. He was able to maintain an erection for a long time during sex and became somewhat of a stud. He began faking an orgasm because his girlfriend began to feel inadequate because she could not make him climax. He could tell her being able to help him release himself was attached to her self-esteem. After an examination proved there was nothing physically wrong with him, the doctor questioned him until he found out David's first experience achieving an orgasm had made an impenetrable impression on his sexual brain. When David was 12, he lay on a bed in Paris face down. The aroma of the French perfume was extremely feminine to him as he rubbed his penis against the sheets until he unexpectedly experienced his first orgasm.

The doctor prescribed a visit to the department store to by French perfume. He told David to let his girlfriend get on top. That way she was provide the friction he required to achieve an orgasm. On his next visit, David reported he was able to achieve an orgasm inside her vagina and he and his girl were happy.

The doctor used this story not only to prove men can successfully fake an orgasm, but also that sex is as much mental as physical. Another man admitted that if he has too much alcohol he has a problem reaching an orgasm. He said that if he can tell he is not going to come, he will then fake it.
"After a while I pretend it happened and we both go to sleep."
One man said, "It' s funny you ask. I've never told anyone this, but last year I sold my business, and my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. I'm off it now, but that medication made it really difficult for me to ejaculate. I faked it with my wife."

The doctor makes a  point that if you take David's reason for faking it, as truth (he said he faked orgasms for this benefit of his girlfriend) he fake it because he wanted her to feel good about herself. The doctor says his gesture was considerate and kind. He goes on to say there will be those who will say David was doing it for his own benefit. He adds, "If trying to maintain a relationship is selfish," who among us would be able to honestly plead "not guilty?"

List of ways to fake an orgasm

• Think about death
• Imagine having sex with your mother
• Causing themselves pain during sex
• Bending their toes against the bedpost.
• Biting their forearms

Emotional Withdrawal

The doctor states, "One of the great misconceptions of male sexuality is that men are only concerned with their own orgasm."

Many woman have felt this way throughout the centuries. Remember, the doctor's patients are mainly men who are in relationships, or trying to be. He says, "Men fell awful if they believe they have sexually disappointed their partner."

I now know and understand my husband's premature ejaculations were the symptoms of the diabetes, high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease that eventually took his life. At the time, due to simple lack of knowledge, I would be upset, feeling lonely, sometimes crying my horny little eyes out. The brother really way doing the best he could do.

Sal's story is a sad one. He cried in the doctor's office when he told the doctor about a conversation he had with his wife of 21 years. She told Sal she had never had an orgasm with him during sex. "All the time I thought everything was okay, that I was giving her pleasure. I never knew. I'm nothing now. I can't even call myself a man."
                                                                                                                                                                    Sal admitted to taking his bad days at work out on his wife after telling the doctor he wife said he was "too rough with her."

Her needs were changing and she was asking for something different than what they had been experiencing. He admitted that during the time they have been married they never talked about sex and he never asked her what she meant by being too rough with her. He assumed she meant during sex so he stopped having sex with her. She began to accuse him of having an affair. Sal went to the doctor because the real reason is he felt inadequate as a man because he found out she had never had an orgasm.

Studies have reported that between 15 and 25% of women in the U. S. are anorgasmic, (unable to achieve an orgasm). Those who do rarely achieve it through intercourse. They require hands on or lips on, or something on their clitoris to achieve an orgasm.

The doctor says over and over again men feel less than men when they come too quick, do not please their partner.

After reading this book, I have found another reason to love the man who taught me how to love. As he became completely impotent, he grew more physically available to me. Early in our relationship; every touch turned to sex. He began to show me more affection. He would hold me and even let me fall asleep in his arms a few times.

Several of the stories were disturbing to me to find out that there are men out their who identify so with their penises that when they begin to have problems they completely stop touching or holding their partners. One man literally said he didn't want to lead his wife on. If he touched her, or kissed her or even played with her like he used to do, it was not fair to her because he could not perform. She was bragging about how he would come behind her affectingly, play with her, hold her hand thinking he was being intimate, when all they time he was expecting sex. He withdrew all emotion because he couldn't handle his penis not staying hard.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                


f