What Is Your Issue?

I watched Al Sharpton's interview with Oprah and was glad to hear he had stood up to himself, said no and found a healthier way of life. His issue was clearly food. He ate fried chicken three times a day. It is a wonder he is alive.

We all have our issues. Food happens to be mine also. It was only when I told myself no that I was able to say yes to life. Most of us think our sin is better than an other's. We relish in our ability to manage being out of control. Al Sharpton most definitely was raging because he was starving himself. His body was not  getting what it needed to function properly.

For me, when I almost died from Pernicious Anemia, I woke up and began to take my health seriously. I was literally dying from a protein deficiency. Vitamin B-12 shots once a month sustain my life. It is absolutely amazing to me. I take several supplements, but the most important things I do for myself is I get rest, sleep and try to do all things in moderation.

Al Sharpton is being strict with himself which is a great things especially since he is so hard on others. He, as have I, have dealt with our demons and our lack of weight gain shows it. I recently began taking medication for a thyroid that should have been treated probably most of my life. with four weeks I lost eight pounds. When issues arise, we must tackle them before the become situations cause before you know it, you'll have an issuation on your hands.

What is your issue?

This Thang They Call Love

I am at a point in my life where I have to once again, choose to love. Yes, right off the bat I know and you know that there will be issues. What I have learned is issues arise. What I know I will do when they do; is meet them head on.

Our lives would be so much easier to navigate if we would be the adults we are designed to be and just deal with issues as they arise. You spend twice as much time redoing when doing it right the first time is most effective and efficient.

This thang we call love is nothing more than us desiring to fulfill or natural mandate. It is our insertion of our will that causes us to lose sight of God's will for us. Oh, when you let love be. When you allow it to use you, you come close, oh so close to heaven. Yes, I will love again. I will do so because I am love and that is what it is.

I have stopped all my magical thinking. I have chosen to become an explorer of human nature, especially my own. I refuse to let any issue in my life turn into a situation. Issuations are made from messy lives. You have to clean up the mess you make in your life. You cannot expect to be lovable when you know you are messy. Yes, they will find out. They always do.

Yeah, I'd be scared of the this thang called love if I was anywhere near the woman I was 15 years ago. I have done the work and now it is time for me to give myself permission to be loved.

What's So Great About You?

I never understood the belief that to have a good relationship you had to have mostly everything in common with the person you are with. The adventurer in me cannot accept the already known. I want to explore someone who I do not recognize. I want to discover their dreams and desires and help them cultivate them.

To those who are seeking themselves in others, I ask you, "What's so great about you to the degree you want to be with someone just like you?"

I am one of the most uninteresting people I know when I am in my element. I can be very moody and distant, especially when I am working or thinking. Most of my hobbies are solitary ones. I enjoy my company immensely, but I do recognize how someone could see me as boring. This is one of the major reasons I want someones who stimulates parts of me that I let lay dormant. Not that they do not exist, it is just easy for me to resist their call. Having someone like me would insure we probably wouldn't do much and that's get old real quick.

Yet, you see all the time folk praying to find someone who thinks like them, listens to the same music they do, etc., etc., and so on and so on. I believe deeply the moment we decided we want to share who we are with another and discover who they are; our relationships will be more satisfying.

So, the next time you sit down to make a list about what you want in a person. Write one about what makes you worthy of another person. List the qualities worthy of sharing. Describe the ways of love you plan to practice. Ponder the acts of service you can perform. But, most of all seek God's will.

Watch What You Ask For

One of the issues most people have is they ask for things whether they really know if they want them or not. No thought is put into their request so when they get what they want and find out they don't want it, depending on what it is, they are usually upset.

Then, they become the victim when they asked for what they didn't really need or want in the first place. This is one of the many issues that turn into situations leaving the person with an issuation.

The only way to stop this pattern is to know who you are. Self-awareness will stop you from asking for stuff you ultimately will not want or need. Self-reflection is the way to self-awareness. Reflecting on ones thoughts and actions can reveal to them the patterns that ruin their ability to maintain happiness, find joy and accept peace.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that tells us more is the answer; when in reality, having less is usually  the beginning of gaining more.

Watch what you ask for, you just may get it.

Magical Thinking

At any time we compare what we want in real life to a fairy tale, the is magical thinking. When we expect to get everything we need from our marital life, that is magical thinking. When we think our spouse should be able to read our minds, that is dangerous magical thinking. When we think our kids are perfect, just cause they are our kids, that is delusional magical thinking.

Magical thinking is when you make up scenarios that are not based in reality. Unfortunately, most of what constitute our lives is based on stuff we have read in books, saw on TV or grew up with. Very seldom are their people who try to discover alternative avenues for rearing their family they are stuck on the romance model of love and it is destroying our families. What is so ironic about this is that these people profess to be Christians whose mandate is to love unconditionally. We all know that romance has a multitude of conditions.

There may come a time when you are faced with reality and you will not be able to magically think your way out of or into a situation. Examples of being faced with reality: Spouse walking out and you feeling like you a were unaware of even the possibility it could happen. Children leaving home or acting out. Friends taking more liberties by bring up the faults with your current situation.

For most people, magical thinking is an issue that starts early in life as many of us, especially girls are for feed fairy lies from the moment we show interest in reading. Magical thinking is everywhere and in shows up in every aspect of life. Acceptance of what is, is the only cure to magical thinking. A true desire and willing not to lie to oneself is the only thing that will stop it in it's tracks.

Right now, it might just be an issue for some, but let that issue turn into a situation, then you are left with an issuation to undo. Examine the areas of your life where you may be lying to yourself. Go ahead, oftentimes others already see it before you do.

What Are Friends For

I was recently talking to my long time friend Carmen and I told her one of the reasons I keep her as a friend is she has seen the full progression throughout the years as a woman. We became friends in my mid-twenties and our relationships has withstood some mighty foes.

One of her biggest assets is she knows most of my story with my husband because I cried on her shoulder and she would actually "just" listen the majority of the time. She allows me to get stuff out whether she has an opinion or not. One day I was telling her about a conversation I had with my husband. She interrupted me and asked, "How does he deal with it being all about you? All you say I "I, this and I that."

I listened to what she said and the first time I talked to him about my goals, dreams, etc.; I recognized that I did not talk in terms of eye. I made it about us. That really made me feel good about me. Even though when I talked to her, I said 'I' I was aware that what I wanted was for us all to gain and he knew that too.

Then there was the time I called and told her I had put him out, again. She stopped me and said, "The next time you do it, I'm gonna take custody of the TV. The poor TV been moved so much."

I laughed until I cried. She was right. It was the only thing he owned. One of the very few items he actually bought during our time together. Now, I am babysitting it.

I honor Carmen and thank her for listening to all my issuations back then. We also talked about the fact I have evolved from the sobbing, blind, dutiful wife, to a woman so sure she is sure, she is sure. She agreed. She agreed she has been witness to a woman coming deeply into her own and owning every bit of herself.

Another story about us:
I used to say, after she would complain about people's behavior, "Girl, folk got issues." I would leave it at that. One day I responded that way and she got pissed and said, "You don't never have nothing to say but folk got issues. Everybody don't have issues."

Years later she took a job at a mental health facility. She called me one night. "Girl, I see what you mean. Folks do be having issues."

We all have issues on some level. It is whether we let the issue turn into an issuation, that is the problem. We have to monitor the situations in our lives. Surround yourself with good, faithful and solid people. Be honest with each other and you will develop the same wonderful long lasting bound that Carmen and I have today.

Peace, love and soul

Paying to the Piper

I am truly paying for going out and dancing last night. My entire body locked down. I have had to use my cane to get around the house. I have so many emotions around in regards to this arthritis thing. It is so hard for me to accept on many levels. My mind is not accepting the signals my body is sending.

As long as I am moving, but not too long, I feel great. Last night I noticed as long as I was moving, I felt like myself. When I took a break and sat down, I felt resistance when I tried to get up. When I got home, I could barely make it to the door.

I have used a heating pad and discovered to only gives minor relief for a minimal amount of time. it feels good as long as it is applied to the area. Drugs are out of the question at this point. I really don't want  to walk around in space, feeling little of nothing, even if it is pain.

Man, this issue is turning into an issuation, fast.