It really pisses me off that I have to explain why I want a black man to black people. That is the dumbest shit, but exposes the big issue. We hate ourselves and we don't get enough ways to show it. We just keep on being stupid.
Why the hell wouldn't I want a black man? The more I write this the more pissed off I get. What the hell is wrong with wanting to be loved by a black man? Am I crazy because I refuse to buy into what they white man has said about the black man? Am I wrong to hold out for hope that a black man will recognize the gem that I am, take me in his arms and wrap me up in his life?
No, I think not. I know the Universe plans for me to share my love with a man who has no doubt about who I am because we are the same and we know it. If there is a difference, it ain't the same. There is no one for me if it ain't a black man. And yes, I men mean a black American man. Anyway! Miss me with that bullshit. I think people just jacked up cause I know what I want and have no problem saying exactly what it is.
But I know it goes deeper than that. Folks plantation mentalities creep up when you don't include white people. They take what they want. They can't take what I create from within. We have to stop giving them so much power. I am not disrespecting anyone by stating my preference. That is the whole point of being free. I know I'm free to choose and I choose to have a black man by my side.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
A Woman Cannot Raise A Man
No matter how you slice it, a woman cannot successfully rear a male child into his maleness. Maleness is a given factor that women do not understand and must discover to even be able to tolerate the presence of men. This lack of understanding has ruined a lot of relationships and lives of little boys.
Unfortunately, this issue has become an issuation and only serves to destroy families. So many folk have divorced because they simply did not recognize the gender differences that cannot be changed. Yes, men think differently than women and vice versa. Until both sexes accept and respect this, we will continue to have a high rate of divorce.
Cheating is often given as the a reason for many divorces in this country. The number is unimaginable when it comes to how many women throughout history have been cheated on when they were pregnant. On the surface we can challenge a man's character, or we can accept that society and lack of knowledge often creates an environment where cheating can arise.
Example: Lack of Knowledge
How many people do you know who believe the baby can be touched during sexual intercourse? If you believe this, you man or woman, is not going to want to do anything to hurt the fetus. No sex for these folks, or at least the woman. The man will use his belief that he should never be without sex, or that he cannot control his sexual appetite to cheat on his wife.
Example: Societal Pressure
How many people do you know who think pregnant women are sacred and should not be sexually active? These people, men and women, Use the condition to pull away during a time when they should be drawing closer. It has only been in the last 25 years that women have been revealing their protruding stomachs. There was a time they tried not to be seen in public.
My point is this, we must delve into the origin of these things that keep us from understanding the opposite sex, even with understanding, without compassion for the opposite sex change will not come about. So many single mothers are bitter when it comes to men that they often unintentionally burden their male children with challenge of becoming a man on his own because she can barely think of men without becoming hostile. How do you think that resonates to the soul of a young man trying to become a man? To see the mother whom he loves dearly cringe at the sound of his father's name, or any other man she has claimed to love. This hurts and confuses him.
I encourage women who do not have male figures in their son's lives to do all they can to make it happen. Stop hiding behind having to work as a reason not to parent. Often the reason you are alone is of your own making, whether you accept it or not. Your male child deserves a chance in this world and he will be better suited if he has a decent male role model to help guide him.
Unfortunately, this issue has become an issuation and only serves to destroy families. So many folk have divorced because they simply did not recognize the gender differences that cannot be changed. Yes, men think differently than women and vice versa. Until both sexes accept and respect this, we will continue to have a high rate of divorce.
Cheating is often given as the a reason for many divorces in this country. The number is unimaginable when it comes to how many women throughout history have been cheated on when they were pregnant. On the surface we can challenge a man's character, or we can accept that society and lack of knowledge often creates an environment where cheating can arise.
Example: Lack of Knowledge
How many people do you know who believe the baby can be touched during sexual intercourse? If you believe this, you man or woman, is not going to want to do anything to hurt the fetus. No sex for these folks, or at least the woman. The man will use his belief that he should never be without sex, or that he cannot control his sexual appetite to cheat on his wife.
Example: Societal Pressure
How many people do you know who think pregnant women are sacred and should not be sexually active? These people, men and women, Use the condition to pull away during a time when they should be drawing closer. It has only been in the last 25 years that women have been revealing their protruding stomachs. There was a time they tried not to be seen in public.
My point is this, we must delve into the origin of these things that keep us from understanding the opposite sex, even with understanding, without compassion for the opposite sex change will not come about. So many single mothers are bitter when it comes to men that they often unintentionally burden their male children with challenge of becoming a man on his own because she can barely think of men without becoming hostile. How do you think that resonates to the soul of a young man trying to become a man? To see the mother whom he loves dearly cringe at the sound of his father's name, or any other man she has claimed to love. This hurts and confuses him.
I encourage women who do not have male figures in their son's lives to do all they can to make it happen. Stop hiding behind having to work as a reason not to parent. Often the reason you are alone is of your own making, whether you accept it or not. Your male child deserves a chance in this world and he will be better suited if he has a decent male role model to help guide him.
Knowing the Difference
Many of us have an issue with knowing the difference when it comes to words and actions in a love relationship. I know it sounds strange, but bare with me. See, oftentimes folk just want to hear someone say they are loved and do not pay attention to their actions. How many times have you heard someone whose been a fool in a relationship use the excuse, "But they said they loved me."
Do we not know the difference because we have not been taught or shown what love really looks like? Do we not know that when we think of love we rarely have images of pain? Yet, when we are in relationships and they are consistently painful, we still say, "But they said they loved me."
Knowing the difference is easy when you love yourself. Loving yourself requires little more than accepting that if you have breathe, you have life and all that is living is worthy of life. Therefore, there is nothing you have to do to be worthy of participating in life to the fullest. It is our lack of self-confidence and awareness of we are wonderfully made that makes us remind blind to what we know.
Love does not hurt. Plain and simple.
Do we not know the difference because we have not been taught or shown what love really looks like? Do we not know that when we think of love we rarely have images of pain? Yet, when we are in relationships and they are consistently painful, we still say, "But they said they loved me."
Knowing the difference is easy when you love yourself. Loving yourself requires little more than accepting that if you have breathe, you have life and all that is living is worthy of life. Therefore, there is nothing you have to do to be worthy of participating in life to the fullest. It is our lack of self-confidence and awareness of we are wonderfully made that makes us remind blind to what we know.
Love does not hurt. Plain and simple.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Middle-aged Woman
What I like most about being an middle-aged women is you can play both sides of the fence for as long as your mind and or body holds out. Looking back at the position I held; I was in step with the teenagers. They hated they couldn't run no game on me. I still remembered all this little innuendo stuff that went on in high school and although a little modified, it was the same premise.
I attribute a lot of my youthfulness to my love for music, laughter, sex, and dancing. My oldest told me she would always know when my husband and I were making love because she would hear loud music and laughter. I am a joyful sex partner. I think sex is fun. Being middle-aged, tube tied, and menopausal; I honor my sexuality and am in total of control over with whom I share it with.
Middle age feels good to me. I feel as solid as I tried to portray in my early life. Now, I am that woman without hesitation. When I moved among others, I try to shrink, but my shoulders fly back, my head zips up and I just keep focused on where I am going.
I have decided to grow an Afro. Lawd, I am tender headed. I have not had hair for almost 23 years. It is time for a change. Heaven must be like this. This complete feeling of self-trust. The remembering of what the world made you forget. I keep reminding myself I am great and am an Empress, able to rule over my emotions, decipher my feelings and act appropriately in all occasions.
As with most everything in life, there is a downside to middle age. For me it has been the onset of Osteoarthritis, glaucoma and obesity. I cope.
I refuse to let any issue in my life become an issuation. Reaching middle age has taught me I can work it out.
I attribute a lot of my youthfulness to my love for music, laughter, sex, and dancing. My oldest told me she would always know when my husband and I were making love because she would hear loud music and laughter. I am a joyful sex partner. I think sex is fun. Being middle-aged, tube tied, and menopausal; I honor my sexuality and am in total of control over with whom I share it with.
Middle age feels good to me. I feel as solid as I tried to portray in my early life. Now, I am that woman without hesitation. When I moved among others, I try to shrink, but my shoulders fly back, my head zips up and I just keep focused on where I am going.
I have decided to grow an Afro. Lawd, I am tender headed. I have not had hair for almost 23 years. It is time for a change. Heaven must be like this. This complete feeling of self-trust. The remembering of what the world made you forget. I keep reminding myself I am great and am an Empress, able to rule over my emotions, decipher my feelings and act appropriately in all occasions.
As with most everything in life, there is a downside to middle age. For me it has been the onset of Osteoarthritis, glaucoma and obesity. I cope.
I refuse to let any issue in my life become an issuation. Reaching middle age has taught me I can work it out.
Gabrielle Union is Dumb and Stupid
If it is true, the stuff I read she said in an interview with Glamour Magazine; Gabrielle Union is dumb and stupid.
She takes full responsibility for Dwayne Wade sticking his raw penis into another woman and impregnating her. She claims due to her busy schedule and self-centered ways, she was unable to properly service him, therefore, he took a momentary break and broke old girl off another offspring.
Wow! Yeah, she is self-centered. I would dare say you almost have to be to be an actress. Yet, you do have a self. There should be a part of you that is not in the act. She is acting and it is bad acting. She is acting like a woman in control of her man, when in reality the man is controlling her every move and desire. She plucked this boy from his wife who was probably more suited to helping come into his manhood, only to end up looking like a damn fool ten years later.
Now, she has the audacity, at the height of her career, while she is crowned the Bell of the the Black Girls Ball; to spout such self-hate to a reporter of a major majority-read national magazine. What in the hell is wrong with her?
It is the same old issue. Oh yeah, hers has definitely turned into an issuation. She is going to have to do some intensive therapeutic sessions to work through the mounds of self-hate she has accumulated. I wish I could say I have sympathy for her. I do not.
This woman is 10 years older than Dwayne. Now 41, she plucked him at 21 cause she boasting about being together 10 years. Anyway, whatever, are you crazy, kiss my ass. Girl, you dumb and stupid.
She takes full responsibility for Dwayne Wade sticking his raw penis into another woman and impregnating her. She claims due to her busy schedule and self-centered ways, she was unable to properly service him, therefore, he took a momentary break and broke old girl off another offspring.
Wow! Yeah, she is self-centered. I would dare say you almost have to be to be an actress. Yet, you do have a self. There should be a part of you that is not in the act. She is acting and it is bad acting. She is acting like a woman in control of her man, when in reality the man is controlling her every move and desire. She plucked this boy from his wife who was probably more suited to helping come into his manhood, only to end up looking like a damn fool ten years later.
Now, she has the audacity, at the height of her career, while she is crowned the Bell of the the Black Girls Ball; to spout such self-hate to a reporter of a major majority-read national magazine. What in the hell is wrong with her?
It is the same old issue. Oh yeah, hers has definitely turned into an issuation. She is going to have to do some intensive therapeutic sessions to work through the mounds of self-hate she has accumulated. I wish I could say I have sympathy for her. I do not.
This woman is 10 years older than Dwayne. Now 41, she plucked him at 21 cause she boasting about being together 10 years. Anyway, whatever, are you crazy, kiss my ass. Girl, you dumb and stupid.
In The Image of Him
Both the fathers of my children are in nursing homes. Well, one should be, but is too self-loathing to stay. His mind has not accepted that he has no legs, no real useful use of his hands, little strength in his arms.
The first is the father of my oldest daughter. I went crazy over him the moment I laid eyes on him. I tell the story in my autobiography, "Telling the Truth and Shaming the Devil."
He knocked on the side door. I looked out and saw the most gorgeous little man I had ever seen. He only stood 5'1", but boy his skin glowed and his eyes shown the innocence that was at his core.
"I am here to see Pam." He said boldly.
Just as bold with a tad more audaciousness, I said, "She told me about you. She don't like you. I am the one you need. You are beautiful. Look at your eyelashes. Are those real? Your skin is like gold. What's your name?"
The end.
He was mine for the time he wanted to be mine. I moved in with him and he began to feel like "a married man."
We had our baby boy moment and parted ways. I never looked back to this day. Now, his body represents what his mind experienced. Trauma and fear. Disconnect from the norm and loneliness.
The father of my two youngest children is suffering from an unbelievable amounts of illnesses. He was genetically predisposed to many of them, but his lifestyle was the real culprit. He ain't what he wanted, as much as he wanted. He had is liquor and beer. He had his smoke and coke. He did his thang.
He excited me. He made me want to fly and I did for a long time. I got to do everything I wanted to because of his pseudo-support. I am a true testament to "You can't keep a good woman down." I made the best of every minute he gave me.
It was a "potential" thing with me. He is as smart as a whip and a master of disguise and innuendo. He would consistently try to outwit me after having done so once are twice. Those times I knew deep down; I was just lying to myself.
I saw all the things he could have done, while he just kept encouraging me to do more. Now, he is running from the life he so cleverly created. He's pissed because he is the forgotten one, the one no one can stomach for too long. Bitter and self-pitying; I barely recognize the man that was never there.
To both of them, I pray for God's will. I do not regret giving my all to either one of them. They both know they were loved and well taken care of on my watch.
Them brothers have some serious issuations.
The first is the father of my oldest daughter. I went crazy over him the moment I laid eyes on him. I tell the story in my autobiography, "Telling the Truth and Shaming the Devil."
He knocked on the side door. I looked out and saw the most gorgeous little man I had ever seen. He only stood 5'1", but boy his skin glowed and his eyes shown the innocence that was at his core.
"I am here to see Pam." He said boldly.
Just as bold with a tad more audaciousness, I said, "She told me about you. She don't like you. I am the one you need. You are beautiful. Look at your eyelashes. Are those real? Your skin is like gold. What's your name?"
The end.
He was mine for the time he wanted to be mine. I moved in with him and he began to feel like "a married man."
We had our baby boy moment and parted ways. I never looked back to this day. Now, his body represents what his mind experienced. Trauma and fear. Disconnect from the norm and loneliness.
The father of my two youngest children is suffering from an unbelievable amounts of illnesses. He was genetically predisposed to many of them, but his lifestyle was the real culprit. He ain't what he wanted, as much as he wanted. He had is liquor and beer. He had his smoke and coke. He did his thang.
He excited me. He made me want to fly and I did for a long time. I got to do everything I wanted to because of his pseudo-support. I am a true testament to "You can't keep a good woman down." I made the best of every minute he gave me.
It was a "potential" thing with me. He is as smart as a whip and a master of disguise and innuendo. He would consistently try to outwit me after having done so once are twice. Those times I knew deep down; I was just lying to myself.
I saw all the things he could have done, while he just kept encouraging me to do more. Now, he is running from the life he so cleverly created. He's pissed because he is the forgotten one, the one no one can stomach for too long. Bitter and self-pitying; I barely recognize the man that was never there.
To both of them, I pray for God's will. I do not regret giving my all to either one of them. They both know they were loved and well taken care of on my watch.
Them brothers have some serious issuations.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
How I Grieve
The Reverend spoke to my soul when he said, "We often say, "If there is anything I can do call me."
We do this knowing from the jump that we are hoping they don't because who really knows how to comfort someone after a loved one has died.
He also said that we should keep our mouths shut. This is what I choose to do. I say nothing. I let the person come to me and I'll send the written correspondence, but I say nothing. Words cannot truly express the deep hurt many feel when someone dies. My view on death is not like that of many others. I welcome it. That is why I work so hard. When it is my time to reach that final resting place, I want it to be just that, rest.
I refuse to leave this world with regrets and not have lived my life. I refuse to allow who I am to be diminished by fear of not living to see who I want to be. I truly believe we are meant to experience all we desire on some level. Moderation, respect and understanding should guide our daily steps. I plan to live until I die.
How I grieve is to be silent for I have no knowledge of God's will for others. I didn't know they were coming and won't know when they are to leave until they are gone. When they do, a part of me is jealous. They are done with the troubles of this world.
We do this knowing from the jump that we are hoping they don't because who really knows how to comfort someone after a loved one has died.
He also said that we should keep our mouths shut. This is what I choose to do. I say nothing. I let the person come to me and I'll send the written correspondence, but I say nothing. Words cannot truly express the deep hurt many feel when someone dies. My view on death is not like that of many others. I welcome it. That is why I work so hard. When it is my time to reach that final resting place, I want it to be just that, rest.
I refuse to leave this world with regrets and not have lived my life. I refuse to allow who I am to be diminished by fear of not living to see who I want to be. I truly believe we are meant to experience all we desire on some level. Moderation, respect and understanding should guide our daily steps. I plan to live until I die.
How I grieve is to be silent for I have no knowledge of God's will for others. I didn't know they were coming and won't know when they are to leave until they are gone. When they do, a part of me is jealous. They are done with the troubles of this world.
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