Forever Penis: Part Two

The Scary Part

What Is a Man?

Is a man defined by his penis? You would think so the way the men of today are going crazy over the young men’s fashions that call for some to choose to wear a skirt, dress, leggings, sagging, whatever the case may be. These men are frustrated and also seem to be intimidated, feeling their sexuality slipping away because of someone’s choice of fashion.

The doctor says, “No,” a man is not defined by his penis. “Females exposed to high levels of androgen (molecules with testosterone-like properties) during fetal life often have a hypertrophied clitoris that is hard to distinguish from a boy’s penis.”

What about testicles? Do they make a man a man? The doctor says, “No. Individuals with testicular feminization have testicles, yet these individuals live quite happily as women.”

He also states that genes do not always make the difference because there are instances where the Y chromosome is there, but necessary genes are maladaptive making the male look female. High testosterone levels do not indicate a man. There are men who have had prostate cancer and their testosterone levels are completely reduced. Does this mean they are no longer men?

The doctor says it is all of these things and yet none of them at the same time. He asked us to be aware that the universal belief that man is completely different from females is false.

“Part of the confusion is that sexuality is expressed on at least three levels: gender (Do I have the parts of a boy or a girl?), and sexual orientation (Do I like boys or girls—or both—sexually?). What is intriguing, if a bit mind-boggling, is that all three of these levels of sexuality are independent of each other. In my mind, there are two additional considerations: one is hormonal.”

Testosterone is responsible for much of the behavioral differences between boys and girls. It affects the mental and physical differences we are aware of in men and women.

“The final level is even more difficult to define. I believe it is a cocktail of psychology, free will, and spirit.”

The doctor believes it is the way a man behaves that makes him a man. The choices they make, their swagger, the way the walk through the world as agents of free will. It is the bigger concept of maleness that is misunderstood and this book attempts to help us bridge that gap. He believes it makes no sense to label the sexes, “opposite sex,” when in fact we have so much in common.

The scary part? The men in this book and men I have known and know of, put so much into their penises that they actually believe women feel the same way about the penis, too. Over and over, the theme in this book keeps going back to men want to please their lovers. Men feel less than a man if they cannot get an erection. Even the doctor had to admit that the energy men put into worrying about their performance is for naught, because a woman who chooses to be with a man usually does so not because of his penis size or how good of a lover he is, but because she loves who he IS, period! So there is no wonder the doctor remains in awe of the lack of communication between the sexes. He even mentions the very real truth that many women actually have pain during intercourse, or are not interested after a certain point in life, or could do it or not. It is scary how far apart we are and yet so close.

Forever Penis: Part One

After reading the book, "Why Men Fake IT: The Totally Surprising Truth About Men and Health," written by Abraham Morgentaler, MD.  I learned something. My perspective regarding the issue of male erectile dysfunction will allow me to be more compassionate towards the male species. It is pretty clear from the beginning of the book, Dr. Morgentaler has written this book to try to bring the sexes together, but most of all to educate men about what 40% of them will experience as they age.

"This book is about the fascinating, rich , nuanced and surprising world of men and sexuality." Let's deal with the title first. Yes, there are men who can fake an orgasm. Their reasons vary of course and range from being tired of having sex, being stressed out and taking certain medications.

David, was a 28 year old engineer who couldn't have an orgasm inside a woman. He was able to maintain an erection for a long time during sex and became somewhat of a stud. He began faking an orgasm because his girlfriend began to feel inadequate because she could not make him climax. He could tell her being able to help him release himself was attached to her self-esteem. After an examination proved there was nothing physically wrong with him, the doctor questioned him until he found out David's first experience achieving an orgasm had made an impenetrable impression on his sexual brain. When David was 12, he lay on a bed in Paris face down. The aroma of the French perfume was extremely feminine to him as he rubbed his penis against the sheets until he unexpectedly experienced his first orgasm.

The doctor prescribed a visit to the department store to by French perfume. He told David to let his girlfriend get on top. That way she was provide the friction he required to achieve an orgasm. On his next visit, David reported he was able to achieve an orgasm inside her vagina and he and his girl were happy.

The doctor used this story not only to prove men can successfully fake an orgasm, but also that sex is as much mental as physical. Another man admitted that if he has too much alcohol he has a problem reaching an orgasm. He said that if he can tell he is not going to come, he will then fake it.
"After a while I pretend it happened and we both go to sleep."
One man said, "It' s funny you ask. I've never told anyone this, but last year I sold my business, and my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. I'm off it now, but that medication made it really difficult for me to ejaculate. I faked it with my wife."

The doctor makes a  point that if you take David's reason for faking it, as truth (he said he faked orgasms for this benefit of his girlfriend) he fake it because he wanted her to feel good about herself. The doctor says his gesture was considerate and kind. He goes on to say there will be those who will say David was doing it for his own benefit. He adds, "If trying to maintain a relationship is selfish," who among us would be able to honestly plead "not guilty?"

List of ways to fake an orgasm

• Think about death
• Imagine having sex with your mother
• Causing themselves pain during sex
• Bending their toes against the bedpost.
• Biting their forearms

Emotional Withdrawal

The doctor states, "One of the great misconceptions of male sexuality is that men are only concerned with their own orgasm."

Many woman have felt this way throughout the centuries. Remember, the doctor's patients are mainly men who are in relationships, or trying to be. He says, "Men fell awful if they believe they have sexually disappointed their partner."

I now know and understand my husband's premature ejaculations were the symptoms of the diabetes, high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease that eventually took his life. At the time, due to simple lack of knowledge, I would be upset, feeling lonely, sometimes crying my horny little eyes out. The brother really way doing the best he could do.

Sal's story is a sad one. He cried in the doctor's office when he told the doctor about a conversation he had with his wife of 21 years. She told Sal she had never had an orgasm with him during sex. "All the time I thought everything was okay, that I was giving her pleasure. I never knew. I'm nothing now. I can't even call myself a man."
                                                                                                                                                                    Sal admitted to taking his bad days at work out on his wife after telling the doctor he wife said he was "too rough with her."

Her needs were changing and she was asking for something different than what they had been experiencing. He admitted that during the time they have been married they never talked about sex and he never asked her what she meant by being too rough with her. He assumed she meant during sex so he stopped having sex with her. She began to accuse him of having an affair. Sal went to the doctor because the real reason is he felt inadequate as a man because he found out she had never had an orgasm.

Studies have reported that between 15 and 25% of women in the U. S. are anorgasmic, (unable to achieve an orgasm). Those who do rarely achieve it through intercourse. They require hands on or lips on, or something on their clitoris to achieve an orgasm.

The doctor says over and over again men feel less than men when they come too quick, do not please their partner.

After reading this book, I have found another reason to love the man who taught me how to love. As he became completely impotent, he grew more physically available to me. Early in our relationship; every touch turned to sex. He began to show me more affection. He would hold me and even let me fall asleep in his arms a few times.

Several of the stories were disturbing to me to find out that there are men out their who identify so with their penises that when they begin to have problems they completely stop touching or holding their partners. One man literally said he didn't want to lead his wife on. If he touched her, or kissed her or even played with her like he used to do, it was not fair to her because he could not perform. She was bragging about how he would come behind her affectingly, play with her, hold her hand thinking he was being intimate, when all they time he was expecting sex. He withdrew all emotion because he couldn't handle his penis not staying hard.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                


f

Jesus Take the Wheel

"Jesus take the wheel."

You often hear people retort this phrase. I have found they are the main ones who wouldn't let him if he tried. It is almost impossible for some people to get that they can only control themselves. IF only they would take control of their minds and actions, they would not need to try to do so in regard to other folk. Faith and fear cannot co-exist. Faith means you go forward whether you know what is on the other side or not. Fear requires directions, answers, breaks, and outright defiance in some cases.

Fear is one of the leading reasons people go against God. Fear tells them that they have to know, do and be all themselves, alone. They can only feel God when they feel good. And they only feel good when they are in control. If you want to let Jesus take the wheel, you have to know and trust that your life force is not by coincidence. You have life? You are meant to live. You are meant to live YOUR life. Not the lives of others. Creating issues. Causing situations that would otherwise not be if not for your interference.

In some cases this is true for our own lives to, that we have let go and truly let God work it out. When we lean on what we understand, which is so little in reality, we tend to make choices based on our little worlds that we live in. Never once taking into account how we fit in the bigger picture. In that instance your value shoots up greatly because if you are able to impact the greater good, you have accomplished a great deal,

You cannot do that if you are everywhere. At some point, you have got to really become still and let the power of the Word wash over you in a way that touches your very soul. When you let go of the wheel, just like on a rollercoaster; you can enjoy the ride. Bumpy and frightening as life can get, knowing that you are born to win. Knowing that if you would only be still and let "Jesus take the wheel," you just may get to where you are going in one piece. What's your issue?

Back to Realati

For me, becoming more whole revealed the separation that lies within me. Realati was born out of pain and fear. Over the course of a year and a half, I had several gall bladder attacks. The first one happened the night of Carmen's birthday party. I was cooking and bringing chicken wings. AS I was frying the wings, and randomly eating the wings; I began to have tremendous pain and vomiting spells.
I did not associate the pain with the fried chicken. I had to go to the party because my Sweet Thang was meeting me there and there was no way I was gonna miss being with him. Yet, the pain and vomiting were real. They stopped after a while and I was able to meet with my Sweet Thang and do the Wild Thang, even with the lingering pain. This was in October.
I had no more bouts with said pain and vomiting until April. We bought cake with Buttercreme frosting and real ice cream for our son's birthday party. I indulged and it started all over again. I was not able to make the connection at this time either, but I did go to the doctor as I cannot take pain and the man who taught me how to love could not bear to see me in such pain. I was told my gall bladder needed to be removed. I had fried it with fried, greasy, oily, fatty foods.
Wow! It messed me up to know that I have overindulged in something to the point it destroyed an organ in my body. I had let and issue become a horrible situation. I had been lying to myself. This fact along with how ignorant I was about the effects of certain foods had almost cost me my life. After I came home from the hospital, I started a garden. When the man was done tilling the ground, I lay upon it on my back looking up to the sky and thanking God for enlightening me. As my neighbors watch in amazement and the man who taught me how to loved looked at me with his, "What the hell is wrong with her," look on his face; I got up a different, wiser, more open person. I was fully aware of how fragile I was and how I was my own worse enemy.
I began a journey that saw 78lbs in weight loss and the birth of Realati Lyphe.

A Feeling Is!

It is selfish, the way I love. If I look at it the right way, I can see how my belief that those I love should want it; has caused me to have certain issues in the past. I have since learned that you can love, but for it to be true it has to be without expectation in any form. You must love solely because you have the capacity to do so. Any other way or reason will cause discomfort and possibly distress.

I have always said an emotional affair is worst than a sexual one for some people. I am one of those people. For whatever reason, I am ignited by intellectual conversations, sweet words, catchy phrases and witty lines. I like to gab and joke and talk sarcastically and a man who can match me has always been my ultimate desire.

I have him and I feel a completeness that would be embarrassing if it wasn't so joy provoking. Talking to him charges me. I literally bubble inside and I normally giggle the moment I hear his voice. I get lost in conversation with him sometimes only focusing on the sound of his voice, forced to listen when he asks a specific question. It has been this way from the beginning. We met 27 years ago and from that day to this I hang on his every word and desire only to hear him laugh and talk that talk only he can do so well.

A feeling is! My feelings run deep for this man. He too, figured out I was the one who got away. I can hear the gratitude in his voice when he mentions how happy he is I was looking for him too. A feeling is!

I would be the first one to tell a person not to jump on every feeling they have. As we know our feelings will and betray us. We have all had the experience where we felt something deeply and it turned out not to be real or even possible. For whatever reason, something inside us needed to feel a certain way. In this case, the feelings are coupled with a knowing. He felt like he knew me and I he.

When these feelings were new to me, I would become impulsive and compulsively call, seek out and think about him. Over the years I have written him letters which I kept hidden, until recently. As I read them, I cry, cringe, laugh and walk away in disbelief at how devoted I remained to his memory. Now, to experience what I hoped would happen is just the greatest gift. I did not hold on in vain. It was well worth the wait as I am matured and able to set personal boundaries that will not allow me to compromise myself in any way.

I treasure the moments we engage each other. He's the one.

Where Are You Going To?

How Are Things Working for You?

I recently made a career decision to become a professional comedian. My employment status has become an issue. I have reached the age where employers love your level of experience, but do not necessarily want to pay you for it.

The day I left my last job was liberating and fun. The very next day my blood pressure was in the 120's. The stress was gone. I proceeded throughout the months working on my house and doing what needed to be done, but most of all I was focusing on myself. I was giving myself the nurturing I needed.

I refuse to let my health become an issue so I have a daily regiment of self-care which focusing heavily on my diet. I have incorporated more fruits and vegetables, exercise, laughs and rest. It is all paying off.

Take a moment today to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "How are things working for you?"
Be open to the answers.

Peace