Back to Realati

For me, becoming more whole revealed the separation that lies within me. Realati was born out of pain and fear. Over the course of a year and a half, I had several gall bladder attacks. The first one happened the night of Carmen's birthday party. I was cooking and bringing chicken wings. AS I was frying the wings, and randomly eating the wings; I began to have tremendous pain and vomiting spells.
I did not associate the pain with the fried chicken. I had to go to the party because my Sweet Thang was meeting me there and there was no way I was gonna miss being with him. Yet, the pain and vomiting were real. They stopped after a while and I was able to meet with my Sweet Thang and do the Wild Thang, even with the lingering pain. This was in October.
I had no more bouts with said pain and vomiting until April. We bought cake with Buttercreme frosting and real ice cream for our son's birthday party. I indulged and it started all over again. I was not able to make the connection at this time either, but I did go to the doctor as I cannot take pain and the man who taught me how to love could not bear to see me in such pain. I was told my gall bladder needed to be removed. I had fried it with fried, greasy, oily, fatty foods.
Wow! It messed me up to know that I have overindulged in something to the point it destroyed an organ in my body. I had let and issue become a horrible situation. I had been lying to myself. This fact along with how ignorant I was about the effects of certain foods had almost cost me my life. After I came home from the hospital, I started a garden. When the man was done tilling the ground, I lay upon it on my back looking up to the sky and thanking God for enlightening me. As my neighbors watch in amazement and the man who taught me how to loved looked at me with his, "What the hell is wrong with her," look on his face; I got up a different, wiser, more open person. I was fully aware of how fragile I was and how I was my own worse enemy.
I began a journey that saw 78lbs in weight loss and the birth of Realati Lyphe.

The Reality of Aging

This issue of aging will not be something I will consciously allow to become a situation. The reality of aging is chasing me down. My mind feels so free and ready, but when I go to move; my body halts and the pain sets in reminding me I am half a century old.

Had I not been an active person I may not be suffering as much as I am. I'd probably give in to the pain and just sit around feeling sorry for myself. I will not do it. I love living and feeling alive. I refuse to give into the horrific pain I sometimes encounter after doing things that would not have affected me at all just three years ago.

I believe we are not meant to do a lot of the things we do. Then the added strain of being overweight most of my life has only added insult to injury. I have whipped my body.As I sit here with a heating pad on my spine, and think about how good it feels; I chuckle. The reality of the matter, of the fact is I am aging.

Paying to the Piper

I am truly paying for going out and dancing last night. My entire body locked down. I have had to use my cane to get around the house. I have so many emotions around in regards to this arthritis thing. It is so hard for me to accept on many levels. My mind is not accepting the signals my body is sending.

As long as I am moving, but not too long, I feel great. Last night I noticed as long as I was moving, I felt like myself. When I took a break and sat down, I felt resistance when I tried to get up. When I got home, I could barely make it to the door.

I have used a heating pad and discovered to only gives minor relief for a minimal amount of time. it feels good as long as it is applied to the area. Drugs are out of the question at this point. I really don't want  to walk around in space, feeling little of nothing, even if it is pain.

Man, this issue is turning into an issuation, fast.