It is selfish, the way I love. If I look at it the right way, I can see how my belief that those I love should want it; has caused me to have certain issues in the past. I have since learned that you can love, but for it to be true it has to be without expectation in any form. You must love solely because you have the capacity to do so. Any other way or reason will cause discomfort and possibly distress.
I have always said an emotional affair is worst than a sexual one for some people. I am one of those people. For whatever reason, I am ignited by intellectual conversations, sweet words, catchy phrases and witty lines. I like to gab and joke and talk sarcastically and a man who can match me has always been my ultimate desire.
I have him and I feel a completeness that would be embarrassing if it wasn't so joy provoking. Talking to him charges me. I literally bubble inside and I normally giggle the moment I hear his voice. I get lost in conversation with him sometimes only focusing on the sound of his voice, forced to listen when he asks a specific question. It has been this way from the beginning. We met 27 years ago and from that day to this I hang on his every word and desire only to hear him laugh and talk that talk only he can do so well.
A feeling is! My feelings run deep for this man. He too, figured out I was the one who got away. I can hear the gratitude in his voice when he mentions how happy he is I was looking for him too. A feeling is!
I would be the first one to tell a person not to jump on every feeling they have. As we know our feelings will and betray us. We have all had the experience where we felt something deeply and it turned out not to be real or even possible. For whatever reason, something inside us needed to feel a certain way. In this case, the feelings are coupled with a knowing. He felt like he knew me and I he.
When these feelings were new to me, I would become impulsive and compulsively call, seek out and think about him. Over the years I have written him letters which I kept hidden, until recently. As I read them, I cry, cringe, laugh and walk away in disbelief at how devoted I remained to his memory. Now, to experience what I hoped would happen is just the greatest gift. I did not hold on in vain. It was well worth the wait as I am matured and able to set personal boundaries that will not allow me to compromise myself in any way.
I treasure the moments we engage each other. He's the one.
Friday, July 18, 2014
Friday, July 11, 2014
How Are Things Working for You?
I recently made a career decision to become a professional comedian. My employment status has become an issue. I have reached the age where employers love your level of experience, but do not necessarily want to pay you for it.
The day I left my last job was liberating and fun. The very next day my blood pressure was in the 120's. The stress was gone. I proceeded throughout the months working on my house and doing what needed to be done, but most of all I was focusing on myself. I was giving myself the nurturing I needed.
I refuse to let my health become an issue so I have a daily regiment of self-care which focusing heavily on my diet. I have incorporated more fruits and vegetables, exercise, laughs and rest. It is all paying off.
Take a moment today to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "How are things working for you?"
Be open to the answers.
Peace
The day I left my last job was liberating and fun. The very next day my blood pressure was in the 120's. The stress was gone. I proceeded throughout the months working on my house and doing what needed to be done, but most of all I was focusing on myself. I was giving myself the nurturing I needed.
I refuse to let my health become an issue so I have a daily regiment of self-care which focusing heavily on my diet. I have incorporated more fruits and vegetables, exercise, laughs and rest. It is all paying off.
Take a moment today to look in the mirror and ask yourself, "How are things working for you?"
Be open to the answers.
Peace
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Critique: Play or Be Played by Tariq Nasheed: Part One
There is an issuation Mr. Nasheed speaks on in the book that I agree with 100%.
He feels that the teen-aged pregnancy problem, is not a problem as much as it is another way the government:
Keeps poor folk poor.
Keeps children without fathers
Makes money for the state through the child support system
I agree with all of the above. As we can see by now, there is absolutely no way to prevent a woman from getting pregnant. Anyone born from 1975 on has been exposed to literature, debates, commercials, classes, workshops, billboards, etc., about contraceptives. Young women are getting pregnant because they want to. No, the boy didn't get her pregnant, she got herself pregnant. Teen-aged pregnancy is highest amongst the under educated thus solidifying the likelihood the offspring will continue the cycle of teen-aged parenthood.
The only thing that can slow down the rate of teen pregnancy is that more mothers model self-respect, self-love and talk about the importance of having both with their daughters. Whether a young man uses a condom or not should never matter. I was a teen-aged mother due to ignorance. Sex was not talked about or taught when I was coming up and my mother and father did an inadequate job in their efforts to discuss the subject.
Once I found out how I got pregnant and why; I never had another unwanted pregnancy. I never relied on the man to protect me. I protected myself. Plain and simple.
He feels that the teen-aged pregnancy problem, is not a problem as much as it is another way the government:
Keeps poor folk poor.
Keeps children without fathers
Makes money for the state through the child support system
I agree with all of the above. As we can see by now, there is absolutely no way to prevent a woman from getting pregnant. Anyone born from 1975 on has been exposed to literature, debates, commercials, classes, workshops, billboards, etc., about contraceptives. Young women are getting pregnant because they want to. No, the boy didn't get her pregnant, she got herself pregnant. Teen-aged pregnancy is highest amongst the under educated thus solidifying the likelihood the offspring will continue the cycle of teen-aged parenthood.
The only thing that can slow down the rate of teen pregnancy is that more mothers model self-respect, self-love and talk about the importance of having both with their daughters. Whether a young man uses a condom or not should never matter. I was a teen-aged mother due to ignorance. Sex was not talked about or taught when I was coming up and my mother and father did an inadequate job in their efforts to discuss the subject.
Once I found out how I got pregnant and why; I never had another unwanted pregnancy. I never relied on the man to protect me. I protected myself. Plain and simple.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Mommy Issues
One of the most common issues that turns into an issuation is men who have not found a way to detach from the mothers/families appropriately.
These issuations can cause women to feel left out and useless in the relationship because the man often chooses to deal with his family for varies reasons, often after an argument or break-up.
Mommy Hates Daddy
Men who come from a home with only a mother who hates his father, and he looks just like his father are usually the worse off. Next to the man whose mother gives her son everything, this man is a horror to deal with. He is forever trying to win his momma's love and she ain't having it cause she didn't get the love from his daddy she was promised. His reflection of the father is enough to ensure this boy will forever be craving the love of a loving and affection mother.
A woman with one of these guys who is unwilling to work on himself should not allow herself to take what he is doing personally. IF he ain't the one, run. But if you want him, suggest he get help if he doesn't? Then RUN!
Mommy Had a Lot of Brothers
When a young man finds out his mother is sexually active it is hard on him. If he has a mother who does not care that he knows she is sexually active, it is usually a source of immense shame. Sometimes these mothers are drug addicted, or prostitutes, sluts, needy, or just straight up a hoe. No matter the case, no young man suffers well with knowing the truth about Eve.
These brother usually don't trust women. They know the women that will fuck. They know the aggressive woman who brings home man after man and bands them to their room; or maybe not. Suspicion and disrespect will stream throughout any relationship this brother has. No one is safe unless he gets therapy.
Mommy Real Religious
These the real freaks out of the bunch. Check out the Jodi Arias story.
These men hide behind God and are dangerous on the deepest level because they prey on folks souls.
Those are the extreme ones. There are men who are frigid because they have been taught little about their bodies except to ignore its natural inclinations.
Mommy Was Passed Out
Here many of the "Caption Save a Hoe's" are bread. I never have to worry about them. I am waaaay too independent. These men seek to always be the savior, when in fact they are little boys who had to take control to survive due to having a mother who had checked out for real. Only awake for the next hit.
You know what to do!
These are just a few Mommy issues I have seen women deal with. I believe we all can benefit from therapy. Even people who are well-adjusted. You might be good, but you can always be better.
These issuations can cause women to feel left out and useless in the relationship because the man often chooses to deal with his family for varies reasons, often after an argument or break-up.
Mommy Hates Daddy
Men who come from a home with only a mother who hates his father, and he looks just like his father are usually the worse off. Next to the man whose mother gives her son everything, this man is a horror to deal with. He is forever trying to win his momma's love and she ain't having it cause she didn't get the love from his daddy she was promised. His reflection of the father is enough to ensure this boy will forever be craving the love of a loving and affection mother.
A woman with one of these guys who is unwilling to work on himself should not allow herself to take what he is doing personally. IF he ain't the one, run. But if you want him, suggest he get help if he doesn't? Then RUN!
Mommy Had a Lot of Brothers
When a young man finds out his mother is sexually active it is hard on him. If he has a mother who does not care that he knows she is sexually active, it is usually a source of immense shame. Sometimes these mothers are drug addicted, or prostitutes, sluts, needy, or just straight up a hoe. No matter the case, no young man suffers well with knowing the truth about Eve.
These brother usually don't trust women. They know the women that will fuck. They know the aggressive woman who brings home man after man and bands them to their room; or maybe not. Suspicion and disrespect will stream throughout any relationship this brother has. No one is safe unless he gets therapy.
Mommy Real Religious
These the real freaks out of the bunch. Check out the Jodi Arias story.
These men hide behind God and are dangerous on the deepest level because they prey on folks souls.
Those are the extreme ones. There are men who are frigid because they have been taught little about their bodies except to ignore its natural inclinations.
Mommy Was Passed Out
Here many of the "Caption Save a Hoe's" are bread. I never have to worry about them. I am waaaay too independent. These men seek to always be the savior, when in fact they are little boys who had to take control to survive due to having a mother who had checked out for real. Only awake for the next hit.
You know what to do!
These are just a few Mommy issues I have seen women deal with. I believe we all can benefit from therapy. Even people who are well-adjusted. You might be good, but you can always be better.
Monday, January 13, 2014
My Issue: #2
Another issue I have noticed is I do not look at men. I never did when I was married and it is soooo hard to break the habit. I can see a man who seems interested, but my first instinct is to turn away. I must work on this if I am to catch the eye of whose looking at me.
My Issue #1
Okay, since being alone and doing deep sea fishing of my soul; I have discovered that my independence and opinionated nature tends to make some men feel intimidated. I was told by a friend that men who have been reared by mothers who fit the same description are often apprehensive because they make an undo connection between the two.
Yes, I probably will remind a man of his momma or grand momma on the surface, but get to know me and you will soon find out this ain't yo' momma ova here. My tone various depending on the issue at hand. A passionate and deep feeling woman my emotional response to most things is only a benefit to the man I love. He cannot lose if he is able to stir my emotions.
I do not appeal to men who seek to protect and provide. They feel they will feel useless around me. How can that be when all I want to be is be caressed, kissed, touched, sang to, danced with, looked at and adored? You don't have to buy me things are pay my bills to be a man in my eyes. Pay attention to me. Allow me to love and serve you. Be open to fun and leisure. These are the things I require most. Money matters is not pillow talk for me. I won't be the woman who whispers past due bill balances in your ear.
Love is a hard sell. I am finding that many men are so used to being used for what they have that they expect a woman to expect money instead of love and respect.
I am doing all I can not to let this issue turn into a situation. What I won't do is change who I am. What I will do is be open, straightforward and honest.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)