What It Really Means to Know Your Worth

Issues arise throughout the days of our lives. We actually go from one issue to another attending to some, ignoring others, or letting other people handle them. An issuation is born when an issue is allowed to turn into a situation. One particular issuation seems to plague many women and that is the issue of not knowing their worth.

I suffered from this greatly. I have done the work needed to maintain peace and joy in my life; I have come to understand  as a woman I am the greatest of all creatures. The Universe has trusted me with the ability to co-create. I can then nourish the creation and any other with my own body. I have the ability to share my life at the deepest level possible for mankind. I am woman.

Yet, for years I hated the very sight of me. I made decisions based on the belief that I was less than. Oh, but now that I know who I am and whose I am! I came very close to letting my lack of self-worth turn into an issuation. It did make it to situation status, but I was able to recognize the situation and back tracked to the issue, which turned out to be I had no idea of my worth.

When you know your worth, you do not deny the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are about to do something that is not in your best interest. You no longer allow others to disrespect you, ignore you, or put you on their back burner. Knowing your worth will no longer allow you to be the whipping post for those with misdirected anger. You no longer desire to be around people who are harming themselves.

You stop trying to save others. Yes, we all have a light, but it is up to the individual where to let it shine. I chose marriage and motherhood. My light shown brightly throughout those years and I was able to help raise three beautiful, productive human beings. Our time is now. It is all we truly have. We must embrace ourselves and accept the challenges life brings us with grace and faith. We are worthy. We are women!

Looks are Deceiving

A co-worker made the suggestion that I should get on the dating site Tinder. This site is only for those who would choose a person just by how they look. You do not write anything about yourself. You only make a match based on whether you are attracted by what you see. I told her there was no way I would subject myself to the site based on outward appearances.

There is such two-faced-ness going on in the world of dating. I believe it is done to hide the desperation so many feel when it comes to having someone in their lives. As we journey through life, we began to obtain and desire. Once we desire someone in our lives, we often will feel the need for it to happen immediately. We rely on our eyes and forget that it is the heart that will be required for a relationship to last.

I'm good. I'm waiting on David.

My Issue: #2

Another issue I have noticed is I do not look at men. I never did when I was married and it is soooo hard to break the habit. I can see a man who seems interested, but my first instinct is to turn away. I must work on this if I am to catch the eye of whose looking at me.

My Issue #1

Okay, since being alone and doing deep sea fishing of my soul; I have discovered that my independence and opinionated nature tends to make some men feel intimidated. I was told by a friend that men who have been reared by mothers who fit the same description are often apprehensive because they make an undo connection between the two.

Yes, I probably will remind a man of his momma or grand momma on the surface, but get to know me and you will soon find out this ain't yo' momma ova here. My tone various depending on the issue at hand. A passionate and deep feeling woman my emotional response to most things is only a benefit to the man I love. He cannot lose if he is able to stir my emotions.

I do not appeal to men who seek to protect and provide. They feel they will feel useless around me. How can that be when all I want to be is be caressed, kissed, touched, sang to, danced with, looked at and adored? You don't have to buy me things are pay my bills to be a man in my eyes. Pay attention to me. Allow me to love and serve you. Be open to fun and leisure. These are the things I require most. Money matters is not pillow talk for me. I won't be the woman who whispers past due bill balances in your ear.

Love is a hard sell. I am finding that many men are so used to being used for what they have that they expect a woman to expect money instead of love and respect.

I am doing all I can not to let this issue turn into a situation. What I won't do is change who I am. What I will do is be open, straightforward and honest.

Why I Love Black Men

It really pisses me off that I have to explain why I want a black man to black people. That is the dumbest shit, but exposes the big issue. We hate ourselves and we don't get enough ways to show it. We just keep on being stupid.

Why the hell wouldn't I want a black man? The more I write this the more pissed off I get. What the hell is wrong with wanting to be loved by a black man? Am I crazy because I refuse to buy into what they white man has said about the black man? Am I wrong to hold out for hope that a black man will recognize the gem that I am, take me in his arms and wrap me up in his life?

No, I think not. I know the Universe plans for me to share my love with a man who has no doubt about who I am because we are the same and we know it. If there is a difference, it ain't the same. There is no one for me if it ain't a black man. And yes, I men mean a black American man. Anyway! Miss me with that bullshit. I think people just jacked up cause I know what I want and have no problem saying exactly what it is.

But I know it goes deeper than that. Folks plantation mentalities creep up when you don't include white people. They take what they want. They can't take what I create from within. We have to stop giving them so much power. I am not disrespecting anyone by stating my preference. That is the whole point of being free. I know I'm free to choose and I choose to have a black man by my side.

Knowing the Difference

Many of us have an issue with knowing the difference when it comes to words and actions in a love relationship. I know it sounds strange, but bare with me. See, oftentimes folk just want to hear someone say they are loved and do not pay attention to their actions. How many times have you heard someone whose been a fool in a relationship use the excuse, "But they said they loved me."

Do we not know the difference because we have not been taught or shown what love really looks like? Do we not know that when we think of love we rarely have images of pain? Yet, when we are in relationships and they are consistently painful, we still say, "But they said they loved me."

Knowing the difference is easy when you love yourself. Loving yourself requires little more than accepting that if you have breathe, you have life and all that is living is worthy of life. Therefore, there is nothing you have to do to be worthy of participating in life to the fullest. It is our lack of self-confidence and awareness of we are wonderfully made that makes us remind blind to what we know.
Love does not hurt. Plain and simple.

Middle-aged Woman

What I like most about being an middle-aged women is you can play both sides of the fence for as long as your mind and or body holds out. Looking back at the position I held; I was in step with the teenagers. They hated they couldn't run no game on me. I still remembered all this little innuendo stuff that went on in high school and although a little modified, it was the same premise.

I attribute a lot of my youthfulness to my love for music, laughter, sex, and dancing. My oldest told me she would always know when my husband and I were making love because she would hear loud music and laughter. I am a joyful sex partner. I think sex is fun. Being middle-aged, tube tied, and menopausal; I honor my sexuality and am in total of control over with whom I share it with.

Middle age feels good to me. I feel as solid as I tried to portray in my early life. Now, I am that woman without hesitation. When I moved among others, I try to shrink, but my shoulders fly back, my head zips up and I just keep focused on where I am going.

I have decided to grow an Afro. Lawd, I am tender headed. I have not had hair for almost 23 years. It is time for a change. Heaven must be like this. This complete feeling of self-trust. The remembering of what the world made you forget. I keep reminding myself I am great and am an Empress, able to rule over my emotions, decipher my feelings and act appropriately in all occasions.

As with most everything in life, there is a downside to middle age. For me it has been the onset of Osteoarthritis, glaucoma and obesity. I cope.

I refuse to let any issue in my life become an issuation. Reaching middle age has taught me I can work it out.

This Thang They Call Love

I am at a point in my life where I have to once again, choose to love. Yes, right off the bat I know and you know that there will be issues. What I have learned is issues arise. What I know I will do when they do; is meet them head on.

Our lives would be so much easier to navigate if we would be the adults we are designed to be and just deal with issues as they arise. You spend twice as much time redoing when doing it right the first time is most effective and efficient.

This thang we call love is nothing more than us desiring to fulfill or natural mandate. It is our insertion of our will that causes us to lose sight of God's will for us. Oh, when you let love be. When you allow it to use you, you come close, oh so close to heaven. Yes, I will love again. I will do so because I am love and that is what it is.

I have stopped all my magical thinking. I have chosen to become an explorer of human nature, especially my own. I refuse to let any issue in my life turn into a situation. Issuations are made from messy lives. You have to clean up the mess you make in your life. You cannot expect to be lovable when you know you are messy. Yes, they will find out. They always do.

Yeah, I'd be scared of the this thang called love if I was anywhere near the woman I was 15 years ago. I have done the work and now it is time for me to give myself permission to be loved.