How I Grieve

The Reverend spoke to my soul when he said, "We often say, "If there is anything I can do call me."
We do this knowing from the jump that we are hoping they don't because who really knows how to comfort someone after a loved one has died.

He also said that we should keep our mouths shut. This is what I choose to do. I say nothing. I let the person come to me and I'll send the written correspondence, but I say nothing. Words cannot truly express the deep hurt many feel when someone dies. My view on death is not like that of many others. I welcome it. That is why I work so hard. When it is my time to reach that final resting place, I want it to be just that, rest.

I refuse to leave this world with regrets and not have lived my life. I refuse to allow who I am to be diminished by fear of not living to see who I want to be. I truly believe we are meant to experience all we desire on some level. Moderation, respect and understanding should guide our daily steps. I plan to live until I die.

How I grieve is to be silent for I have no knowledge of God's will for others. I didn't know they were coming and won't know when they are to leave until they are gone. When they do, a part of me is jealous. They are done with the troubles of this world.

What Are Friends For

I was recently talking to my long time friend Carmen and I told her one of the reasons I keep her as a friend is she has seen the full progression throughout the years as a woman. We became friends in my mid-twenties and our relationships has withstood some mighty foes.

One of her biggest assets is she knows most of my story with my husband because I cried on her shoulder and she would actually "just" listen the majority of the time. She allows me to get stuff out whether she has an opinion or not. One day I was telling her about a conversation I had with my husband. She interrupted me and asked, "How does he deal with it being all about you? All you say I "I, this and I that."

I listened to what she said and the first time I talked to him about my goals, dreams, etc.; I recognized that I did not talk in terms of eye. I made it about us. That really made me feel good about me. Even though when I talked to her, I said 'I' I was aware that what I wanted was for us all to gain and he knew that too.

Then there was the time I called and told her I had put him out, again. She stopped me and said, "The next time you do it, I'm gonna take custody of the TV. The poor TV been moved so much."

I laughed until I cried. She was right. It was the only thing he owned. One of the very few items he actually bought during our time together. Now, I am babysitting it.

I honor Carmen and thank her for listening to all my issuations back then. We also talked about the fact I have evolved from the sobbing, blind, dutiful wife, to a woman so sure she is sure, she is sure. She agreed. She agreed she has been witness to a woman coming deeply into her own and owning every bit of herself.

Another story about us:
I used to say, after she would complain about people's behavior, "Girl, folk got issues." I would leave it at that. One day I responded that way and she got pissed and said, "You don't never have nothing to say but folk got issues. Everybody don't have issues."

Years later she took a job at a mental health facility. She called me one night. "Girl, I see what you mean. Folks do be having issues."

We all have issues on some level. It is whether we let the issue turn into an issuation, that is the problem. We have to monitor the situations in our lives. Surround yourself with good, faithful and solid people. Be honest with each other and you will develop the same wonderful long lasting bound that Carmen and I have today.

Peace, love and soul